Monday, 30 July 2007

Unlikely limericks

There once was a bloke called Gorringe
Lived absolutely nowhere near Blorenge.
He was culturally profound,
Theologically sound,
And his book was green and brown - not orange.

St Nectan Welcombe

Also on my holidays...

I attended Family Service at St Nectan's Church, Welcombe. The saint's holy well is just outside, and was being guarded by rather a decent-sized toad when I was there. They dress the well with foxgloves once a year.

St Nectan's was having a Family Service, which seemed quite a new concept. The slightly old-fashioned nature of their "modern" songs was completely washed away by their enthusiasm and the energy of their children. It was a great service.

Saturday, 28 July 2007

An Anglo-Metho-House-Church-Charismatic Writes (or possibly Rites)

Anyone know what "Morning Prayer" means? Never lead one of those. Before.

What I did on my holidays

So, last Saturday morning at about 5.30, off we set for the sunny West....

Ten to 6 and I nip into a 24-hour Tesco's to buy Harry Potter and the Potful of Dosh. And they're doing an offer. Buy £50 worth of stuff (including HP at £10) and get the book for £5. Now, if I'd only been buying one I wouldn't have bothered. But I was buying three

So I get three Harry Potters, do my sums, and then buy £20 worth of dry goods. You know, batteries and stuff I'll need some time. And I go to the "scan it yourself" counter And it doesn't ring up any reductions - it just indicates I need a staff member to do the reduction. So I call one over. And he takes £5 off. And at this point, I can move into Verbatim mode.

G1: You've only taken £5 off.
S1: That's right.
G2: But I've bought three.
S2: But you only get £5 off.
G3: But that's not what the offer says.

Cue trip to view the pallet of HP books, and associated POS material.

G4: You see - doesn't say I only get £5 off one.
S3 (already out of sequence..): But that's what the deal is.
G5: That's not what the deal says.
S4: Let me call the manager.

A short conversation takes place on the in-store phone.

S5 (getting back into sequence): He says you only get one.
G6: But that's not what your POS says. It doesn't say how many I get. It just says if I spend £50, I get my HP book for £5.

Manager is called. Same discussion ensues. I explain the concept of Trading Standards, and the interesting fact that I used to program tills for a living. Culminating with:

M1: The deal is only for one £5 off. So we can give you the £5 off.
G7: Yeah, but the advertising doesn't say that. I've just walked all over the store buying stuff to get the bill up to £50. I wouldn't want all that stuff if it was only £5 off - I wouldn't have bothered.
M2 (now having visions of non-foods dumped at the counter as I walk out with just the books): How many did you buy? Five?
G8: No. Only three. I only want three.
M3: Go on then. Bert (or some other name for a 24-hour Tesco worker) - can we take this material down?

Poor old Bert gets to pull all the advertising material off two pallets of HP books. And then gives me my discount.

And the day just got worse from there... must have been divine judgement

Knowing the M5 was under water and so were chunks of the M40 and M42, we went down to Swindon. To find the A420 was flooded. "Not to worry, we can go down through Wantage." No we can't. OK, what about A34 from Oxford? Apparently not. So we go to Reading via Oxford. Then down the A303 because the M4 has ground to a halt (Question - how can rain damage the surface of a road? What are they making roads out of these days? Plasticine?) Down near Stonehenge the traffic grinds to a halt. Fortunately, in best Archdruid Eileen mode, I know the back roads round Stonehenge; and it's at the point when I'm on a detour from a detour to a detour, taking an alternative route round Stonehenge - about a hundred miles from where I was planning to be - that I use the words "what a day" for the three-hundredth time.

To cheer us up, we phone our friend who's meeting us down there. She's gone down the M5 - except it wasn't working. In what turns out to be the worst idea since Stalin's mum suggested to Stalin's dad that they might turn in early, Sue's headed for Pershore. There's unfounded rumours that a lifeboat was seen...

And then we got to Devon and drank cider for a week and watched the rain.

The end.

Friday, 20 July 2007

Another victory for Killjoy ratbags

Cranfield Church - a place where I have spent many hours in prayer and also study (thanks to the PCC for leaving the place open every weekday). It's a nice church with nice people.

People living on Cranfield's new housing estate, and Mid-Beds Council - a collective bunch of ratbags (sorry to the people on the new housing estate who didn't complain to the council...).

Cranfield is about 5 miles from Husborne Crawley. Obviously the daftness has spread.

Thursday, 19 July 2007

Harry Potter - Plot Spoiler

Apparently it all ends when JK Rowling gets another really big cheque.

I love a happy ending.

Monday, 16 July 2007

Cerne Abbas

Apparently the enormous hill figure is a symbol of masculine potency, fertility and sexuality.

But I don't know what that bloke with the club is doing there...

Say what you mean

Metcheck issued a weather warning for thunder today. And I quote: "This risk will be greatest across Southern England and perhaps Northern England. " So that's... England, then.

Saturday, 14 July 2007

Tesco's

Just a few things. Just a top-up shop to tide us over for a couple of days.

So how did I manage to make it £70?